I\’m Right

Where ‘Awkwardness’ is the name of the game. Or just the story of my life.

Spoiler Alert! September 23, 2008

A Movie Review of Summer 2008: The Life of Some Kids in Salem

Genre: Feel-Good Comedy/Drama/Action Adventure

Cast: The director of this movie, God (Life as we know it, Earth: And Other Surrounding Planets, Godzilla XI), took an interesting approach when creating this movie, which is loosely based on a true story, and hired each person involved to play themselves.

Location: Salem, OR.

Plot: This story follows the lives of some teenagers and young adults in the summer of 2008. Without focusing on any one person, there isn’t one ‘protagonist’ per se, but many. This movie has multiple story lines and characters, illustrating not only the difficulty in these kids’ lives, but also highlighting the connection and comrade-like relationships one builds in this stage of growing up. We can see these characters grow during this summer as the kids go on many ‘adventures’ or ‘outings,’ together and apart, dealing with things such as…

  • going to kung-fu panda.. =)
  • one going to sun river
  • batman midnight premire, as the realization hits that 3 in the morning does not work well with being insecure.
  • a car wash and an over-nighter at the church
  • several taking summer classes
  • going downtown because salem is not youth-friendly, and there are limited things to do on a normal day
  • learning how to structure life around family, friends, school, work, and life’s many surprises.
  • lots and lots of movies
  • going swimming at north fork with great friends
  • silvercreek
  • many working, drama ensues both within the work setting, and outside but in regards to the work setting… some learn that sometimes it is best to distance yourself from situations you know wont turn out well.
  • excellent escape to portland for the day (x2)
  • one goes to mexico, and realizes how much she cares for the people back home.
  • beach trips add some comic relief and care-free summer days
  • frequenting the park, and realizing that obsessing over some things is completely ridiculous
  • a girl’s decision to move away for college
  • a great campout where relationships strengthen and legends are borne

Overview: Basically just a genaric summer fun movie, like a thousand before. A pleasing blend of comedy, action, drama, romance, tragedy, and adventure, which leaves the audience’s hunger for a good story satesfied. Sunny summer days, starry summer nights, and some lazy summer afternoons give you a basically well-rounded picture of a typical group of teenage & twenty-something friends, taking on the world one day at a time.

The First President Post

  • We give this movie a B-. Picture every other teenage movie about summertime, and you’ve got a good picture of this one. With perhaps a bit more zeal and passion than the norm, this movie tells the story of the same group of good friends in the same deciding time of life as we’ve seen a thousand times before. The only thing that makes this movie stand apart is this group’s tight bonds and compassion. See it, but we advise waiting until it comes out on video.

Persons Magazine

  • Go, Go, Go! A delightful cast and marvelous story of such a crucial period of one’s life. This movie has a unique heart about it that one can’t find as much as they would like! Lovely cast and precious peek into the lives of these kids. We at Persons Magazine give this one two thumbs up!

The Rainy Times

  • 5 buckets of popcorn to Summer 2008: The Life of Some Kids in Salem. The only criticism of this one we can find is that the cast was too involved.. the drama was so real because it was real.. the love and the anger and the comedy and the confusion and the doubt was so real because it was real. The only thing we can fault this movie with is hitting too close to home and leaving no lines uncrossed. Maybe too painfully realistic at some times, and too comically frank at others, but there is no doubt that this movie will go down in the record books, if only for those who were involved.

a hint of seriousity. July 5, 2008

Filed under: Randomness — alwaysbri @ 8:48 pm

I hit the wall again.
Surprise, surprise.
But it was surprising.
I guess I thought I was past all of this..
And yet here I am.

I hate that I need approval.
I hate that I need help.
I hate that I am incapable.
I hate that I let things dictate how I feel.
I hate that I am not good enough.
And I hate that I can’t seem to change.

I already know where to find the answer to escaping this rut
that I seem to find my way back to frequently.
In the Word. In God.
I love that I have the answer… but i’m in heavy need of motivation.
The wrong things often are the ones that stimulate,
and apathy springs up out of nowhere.

on one hand,
I’m searching for God’s plan in this…
I so want to rock this world upside down for Him.
on the other,
I just want someone to tell me I am good enough.
I just want someone to tell me they care about what happens to me.
And I just want someone to say they would make it all better if they could.

I think the latter sometimes consumes my mind and attention.
At least when I’m having a hard time.
But I want the former. I want it so bad.

Please don’t misunderstand.
I have so much. I am an extremely blessed girl.
I am so incredibly thankful for all God has put in my life.
I’m just a little discouraged right now.
But daylight is in just a couple hours.
And things often look better in the morning, right? Right.

It’ll be ok.


20 for 2008- Revisited June 26, 2008

Filed under: Randomness — alwaysbri @ 8:26 pm

So at the beginning of the year, i made a list of 20 things that I wanted to do before the year was out. we are about halfway through the year, so as suggested i am going to take a little look-sy at the list and adjust where necessary. So here was the 20, and i’ll flag it if it’s happened.

  1. Go on a picnic
  2. Go camping
  3. Have a Harry Potter Marathon
  4. Host a random themed party
  5. Find a pair of jeans that really fits well and that i like- well i didn’t really find jeans but i like the pants i have. for the most part. as much as a cynical girl can.
  6. Find a band that no one has heard of that i really like
  7. Make many decisions quickly and surely
  8. Have a bonfire on the beach during summer
  9. Explore a place i haven’t been
  10. Get pleasantly surprised– birthday party was huge, but other instances have been pleasantly surprising as well.
  11. Drive and drive without planning where to go- i sometimes do this when i am bored or upset.
  12. Go to seattle
  13. Get to where i can do scissor kicks head level
  14. Finish seasons 2 and 3 of Lost- i love that show. so much. and i even finished the 4th season! i am a lost junkie.
  15. Find occasions to dress up nice- i guess rather than find occasions to dress up, i’ve sorta took on the philosophy that one does not need an occasion to dress up, at least a little…
  16. Read my Bible more
  17. Journal at least every few days
  18. Start doing kicks and punches again
  19. Find more ways to control my dreams- i’ve begun to realize that what i do before bed affects my dreams… if i eat i have weird dreams. if i talk to someone right before, or think about something a lot, i usually end up dreaming about them/it. if i am too hyped up i usually have very bright-toned dreams. so… i could sorta control it if i wanted a weird bright dream with people and ideas that i am obsessing over in it.
  20. Learn to cook more things- i made up some pretty intense cookies this year…

i guess it’s probably pretty sad that i’ve only done 7 of the 20, but i have done other stuff as well. Here are 10 things i have done that weren’t on the list but should have been:

  1. see kung fu panda 4 times
  2. explore portland
  3. night board
  4. get better at using both sides of my board to carve
  5. spent countless hours on the computer when it was probably the least efficiant use of my time.
  6. survive spring term of college
  7. went to the beach- no bonfire as intended in my last post, but was very fun. maybe a bonfire next time.
  8. go to numerous midnight premiers for movies
  9. get a good job for the summer.
  10. find lots of music that even though other people have heard it, it is very good stuff. though it comes and goes with how much music i listen to.

So i’ve done some stuff. and i am going to apply myself to make some of the other things happen. at least 2 of the top ideas on my list that have not been completed:

  1. picnic. This has got to happen. i don’t know how or when but i would very much like to go on one. i think it would be fun. though it is probably one of my like daydreamy type delusions that wouldn’t turn out as i would have expected because that is what happens when you have expectations i am finding.
  2. kicks and punches. i can’t even tell you how much i need to start that again. wow. yea.

And lastly, three things that weren’t on my list but i want to do:

  1. make it to hasty-freeze in albany.
  2. put office supplies in jello
  3. do other… various… random and exciting things…

my addictive personality April 14, 2008

Filed under: Life,Randomness,Reflections — alwaysbri @ 10:22 am

i only called it that for lack of better terminology, as i don’t think my… enthusiastic tendencies are all necessarily negative.

I have, however, been noticing lately my impulse to wholeheartedly embrace things. It seems to be somewhat of a trend in my life to become slightly overzealous about the things I like. I was thinking about this, and many, many examples, trivial and otherwise, came to my mind. As I said, I don’t think these all are negative, exactly. Some don’t really matter that much…

  • Breakfast trends- For some reason I go through trends in my breakfasts. aka toast and applesauce. I ate this for breakfast every single day in sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. Three years, that is pretty much all i had. Then i went through the banana phase. no time to eat so i’d grab one and run. now i am on to the ‘dang i’m late’ phase, and rarely eat breakfast at all.
  • Activities- You all probably know I had a pretty intensely into karate for a long while… like, 6 days a week for many hours a day… this I actually count as a very positive addiction. Little bad came out of this. I was working out constantly, made good friends, learned a lot… def good.
  • When I was in elementary school and I decided I was born to be a writer/reporter/detective. I took on that idea so fully that the rest of my life would focus on that. Suddenly i was a spy in all my games, infiltrating other countries’ governments, solving age old puzzles and mysteries, and then writing books about it, for the world to enjoy. All my papers at school would be about that, i wanted to dress like a detective would, etc. That may be a little kid extreme example, but I know i still do that to an extent at times.
  • Lost. hehe. I love it so much.

So… these didn’t really affect my life that much. You might have had slightly more insight about my life at the time… it may have been easier to keep tabs on me when I was always at karate. but that’s about it.

These trivial things I have noticed are just phases with me, though. I tend to get really burnt out on them after awhile and that is the downside… I could, for example, never have toast and applesauce again, and life would be perfectly peachy. Lost I have not gotten burnt out on yet. And I don’t know if that will happen.

There have been a few of these… preferences.. that have impacted my life more than my childhood dream of becoming a spy. These might not be quite as positive.

  • Diet Coke- heh. You know about that little incident… definitely not good for me. I was pretty addicted. I had a lot. I go back and forth between wanting to know how much and being glad I don’t.
  • Computer- I am trying to spend less time on it. I know there are better things for me to do…. yea.
  • Saving the best for last- I have always done this. I don’t know why. Like, with everything. I try to finish everything i need to get done before doing fun things so I don’t dwell on it as much… (though that decreases with things I know I can get done at last minute), and food, and like clothes… i’ll want to wear something but save it until I’ve worn like everything else so that it’s better. It doesn’t really make sense. But I do.

So basically… there are good addictions and bad addictions. I have some of both. And I am going to try to curb some of the negative ones…


just noticing. March 23, 2008

Filed under: Randomness — alwaysbri @ 3:58 pm

I love times where you feel completely safe.  That feeling you get when you are totally comfortable and secure with who you are and who you are with and where you are and where you are going. Everything seems to makes sense in these moments. It doesn’t seem like you really want to question anything, or even that there really is something to question. You just soak it in. It is just nice to feel protected and safe.

I have noticed, however, that it’s the times i feel most vulnerable are when my life seems to change. Not always for the better, mind you, or in a big way,  just different. When I feel so safe, i am not as motivated to take chances or say what i think or find things out, really. And it’s ok… I mean it is so nice to feel safe. But when I am a little insecure about what is going to happen, when the outcome is up in the air and could go either way, it is easier to give my thoughts and voice what I think. Because it already could go bad… or.. wrong or whatever, so you might as well go down in glory. Not look back wondering if things would have gone differently if you had said what you wanted to say, or done what you wanted to do.

Does that make sense?

Safe is like tangled up in your blankets at night, comfortable and sleepy. summer right before dusk. stars.  Slippers and movies and closeness and daydreaming/thinking silence. Vulnerable is like hard conversations. Doing something new. Defining, borderline awkward, and exciting.

Does that make sense at all? Probably not.

I can think of a few different times in my life for each of these feelings, safe and vulnerable… and it is hard to say which i like better. With vulnerable, it’s scary because some of the best things happen, but at the same time, sometimes it doesn’t turn out well. there is a chance it will go downhill, and it’s a horrible feeling to be so insecure and then have your hopes fall out from under you. but… to be insecure and have your hopes met or passed… is indescribable.  With safe, there is nothing to be scared of. It’s nice and perfect and lazy and good. But things don’t necessarily get better either. It’s how it is. No hope for more, not that you need any more, but what you see is what you have. So it is hard to say. It’s like the feel-good ending of a movie vs. the climax where you don’t quite know how it will turn out. Edge of your seat intense vs. curled up under a blanket warm.

I don’t really think i am supposed to like one over the other. Both are good. anyway. good stuff.  just observations on a rainy afternoon.


Musings of a Wandering Mind February 17, 2008

Filed under: Randomness — alwaysbri @ 6:15 pm

I sit here with two tests tomorrow, and yet the ability to study escapes me. An exam in history and philosophy, but all I can seem to do is sit here, mind a thousand miles away… Sigh. I’ve done some. To give a short synopsis my history teacher gave us a study guide with 20 possible short answer identifications, from which she will pick 3-6 we have to answer, and a list of 10 possible essay questions, from which she will pick 2 we have to answer on the test. I have gone over 14 of the 20 short answer terms, jotted down key terms, names, dates, and such. The problem being my mind is so far gone I don’t know if I will remember any of this in an hour, let alone a day. And the fact that I have several more, plus each essay question, of which I looked over and know how to answer exactly one.

I turned off the music I was listening to long ago, I couldn’t help listening, and the lyrics brought about a whole other train of thoughts for my attention to divide itself with. Calling You and Hate Me by Blue October are amazing, fyi. though distracting. Now I have the lyrics running through my head. My less than interesting history doesn’t stand a chance with those kind of odds.

The sun doesn’t help either… wishing I was outside this whole time.

I figure I have three options at this point.

  1.  Stop writing and get back to work studying.  The one I will do in a few minutes, after I get done fantasizing about the other options.
  2. Go outside, run around, perhaps take a bike ride or go to crossler and amuse myself by climbing the goalpost. Get home, go back to work, stay up too late studying, not do as well as I’d hoped on my tests but still do ok, catch up on sleep over the next couple days.
  3. Go outside, etc. Come back, not study, have a nice evening. skip classes tomorrow, fail my tests, fail my classes, lose my scholarships.

2 doesn’t sound too bad, though reasonably, the sun is going down now, i shouldn’t do that anyway.  3 is stupid, and I try not to do stupid things. So 1 it is, which is ironic because I should have just kept working rather than write this. I wish I could just focus but I think too much, and my mind wanders too easily. And lets just face it, the subjects on my thoughts are far more interesting to me right now than Manifest Destiny, or Jacksonian Democracy.

But anyway. Wish me luck. It’s back to work I go.


my life January 28, 2008

snow is rapidly losing it’s charm with me. i wake up this morning to snow and was happy. no classes to go to. until i find out that western was hoping to off a few students before breakfast and decided to have classes despite the weather. awesome. i have a rather large knot on my forehead, and some other minor attractive scuffs on my face from last night, and i was thrilled to get to go to school and show it off. /not.  So i wasn’t thrilled.

the drive to school was probably the scariest of my life, as my little saturn is not built for that kind of weather. the ‘low traction’ light was on the whole way and i swear i heard it gasp in terror a few times. or that might have been me. going a top speed of 20 was fun, right up there with my surgery when i was like 6 and the doctors cut a slice off the top of my tongue and i couldn’t eat any sort of salty things for a couple weeks.

even more thrilling was my dad calling as i was about 3/4 the way there. “umm western just decided to delay for 2 hours… not opening until 10.” what the freaking heck. you can’t close the campus at 7:30 for the 8:00 classes. pretty much ruins everything for the people who have to commute.

so, naturally, i am pretty ticked off. and it’s freezing, even with a scarf and a sweatshirt under my warm coat. but i’m like, hey, two hours to work on homework. don’t have any cash of course, can’t get breakfast or anything so i’m like, i’ll just go to the computer lab and do work. maybe write this post. ipod is dead but the computer will keep me company, and i can lessen the crazy load of work for this week. but wait! western surpasses my expectations! everything is closed! locked up and dark. a.mazing.

so…. i sat in my car for an hour. doing math, and being depressed. then went to the library. such is monday morning. and such is my life.