I\’m Right

Where ‘Awkwardness’ is the name of the game. Or just the story of my life.

Oh, Wow October 30, 2006

Filed under: Deep Moments,Karate,Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 9:35 am

Well, I would say that I’ve had a fairly productive weekend. I accomplished a lot, and did a lot of completely random things, each and every one deserving of it’s own specific rant, but I am too lazy to do that, of course, so I will try to keep it all in here, just short and to the point. To put it in a nice, organized list, I….

  1. Thursday, 9:00-10:45 am: Took Senior Pictures. I have to admit that it was kinda fun. And I now I have to choose which ones I want, and it is really hard, cuz I actually like a lot of them. Which surprised me. Pictures are always weird though. There is a weirdness factor to sifting through pictures of yourself, that makes you feel like the person in the picture isn’t actually really you, and it’s kinda freaky. And then I feel so weird giving them to people. It’s like, “Hey, here is a picture of me. I know you would love to have it, since it is of someone as cool as myself, and let’s face it, everyone wants a picture of me.” And while that is true, it feels somewhat awkward to hand out pictures of myself. But on the other hand, if they look good, you know that deep down you do want people to have them because you look so darn cool, and you want them to think so to. I don’t know.
  2. Thursday, 12:00 pm-*cough* 3:00 pm *cough*: Played Halo 2… Cody loaned it to me since I finally recently beat Halo 1, and I have been greatly enjoying battling Covenant Forces and all that Jazz. Beat a couple levels Thursday, feel like I’m getting better… there is something so stress relieving about going and annihilating elite’s and hunter’s and grunt’s. I don’t know why, but it is so thrilling to combat the Forces of Evil. Makes me feel important.
  3. Thursday, 6:00-10:00 pm: Went to youth group, and got over some stuff I’d been freaking over… ‘Nuff said.
  4. Thursday, 11:00 pm – The early morning of Friday: Played Halo 2. I don’t think I want to elaborate on that.
  5. Friday, 9:00-12:30ish: Chemeketa. Placement Test, and I hung around with Sharon and Kala, sat in on their history class which was fun… Strange but fun. And all I can say about the placement test is that I agree with Elliot who called it”A user Interface Nightmare”. And how right he was. I did pretty well, though, so that was good. He was so right about the redundancy and everything, though… if you haven’t read his rant on it, do. And the scary part is that it is right on.
  6. Friday, 5:00-6:30 pm: Taught Karate… Kids are so crazy on Friday’s. It makes me laugh.
  7. Friday, 7ish-9ish pm: Quenched my craving for Ice-cream. Went to DQ with Sharon and Cody randomly… I love spontaneity. Sometimes I like to have a plan, and something to count on, but I really do love to just go for something without analyzing it too much. Not that this was really a huge, momentous thing, I just mean in general. Sometimes the under-analyzing backfires, but I love the feeling of doing something spur of the moment and just having fun doing it.
  8. Friday, For a very long time: Guess. If you said Halo 2… You’d be correct. I am obsessed … Passionate about it lately.
  9. Saturday, Bright and Early- Not so Early, but still Bright: Karate… Taught 4 classes, in one, I had 15 kids, pretty small, but get this. Only 8 of them spoke English. Yeah. That was fun. I am sorry for my lack of Politically Correctness, but learn to speak English! You are in the US, and last time I checked, the national language was… English. At the rate we are going, it may not stay that way, but come on! At least make an attempt. If I were to move to, say, Mexico *ahem*, I would learn Spanish. I wouldn’t expect them to cater to me because I didn’t speak the language, I wouldn’t expect the DMV (or their equivalent) to have English on one side, I wouldn’t expect the ATM’s to offer English, and I wouldn’t expect Karate teachers to speak to my kids in English when I was in a country that’s language was not English. I would just learn the language. It would be one thing if you were just visiting, but… well, most aren’t. Argh. I’m going to have to turn this into a full-blown rant sometime, cuz I’m just going off on a totally separate direction then I planned right now… But I will go off on it when I have some time to write a novel. Or at least another post.
  10. Saturday, 8:00-11:00pm: Caught up with some friends after babysitting :-P (tongue out, if you couldn’t tell, and about the babysitting, not the friends…)
  11. Sunday, 12:00-2:00 am: Which was 3 hours, by the way, seeing how today is Fall Back and all… Well, I actually don’t think I want to admit to what I did then, though if you are seeing the evident theme that keeps showing up you will probably be able to guess…
  12. Sunday, 9:15 am-3:00 pm: Sunday School, Church, Battery Giveaway Thing, and Hang-out and Game Time. That was pretty fun. Actually really fun.
  13. Sunday, 6:00-7:00 pm: Carved a flippin’ sweet pumpkin (kinda a family tradition, which some people are horrified over, seeing as it infers to Halloween *Cringes, expecting head to be blown off with why we shouldn’t be doing that and how it is so bad and anti-Christian*) But seriously, my sisters always do the happy faces, with the cute triangle eyes, circle nose, and crooked smile with only two teeth, but I always do these epic (well, as epic as you can get with a pumpkin and a kitchen knife) scenes, with dueling forces. This one I have Yoda with a light saber battling what kinda resembles an Elite in Halo… *chuckles to self* Yeah, It’s classic.
  14. Sunday, 7:20- whenever I finish: This. Expand my writing skillz.

That is pretty much the weekend I had. Random thoughts, random actions, but overall, pretty darn fun. Lots to write about, so much that there is no time to write out all that there is to write about. And the stuff I did write about seems somewhat lacking without the stuff I didn’t write about, which makes the whole writing seem like it is missing something that the writing should have in it in order to make the writing even better. Now I think I should stop writing this writing or I will undoubtedly confuse myself beyond hope of recovery.


The In’s and Out’s of Graduating October 24, 2006

Filed under: Deep Moments,Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 10:11 am

So for those of you who don’t know, I am graduating this year, and there is a lot of stuff I hadn’t quite thought about. Things that I always put off, thinking I had so much time, and now *gulp* the time is here. Like, soon. Like, I really need to get moving, cuz I’m already behind.

For one, there is senior pictures. My mom wants the whole pose in different places, dress up in different outfits,  the whole, “smile, look confused, look sad, look confidant, look sophisticated, look…” Oh the joy that comes when I think of that. I have to take those on Thursday, and I have no clue what to wear. I guess I will bring some jeans, and some sort of shirt, the only problem coming of course, when I look in my closet, and the only shirts hanging there are 9 karate shirts, basically every color in the rainbow, plus a couple more. I can’t tell you how sad it is when you realize that you own basically one shirt. They are all the same. It is a sad life I lead, but I wouldn’t change it. So yeah, I’m going to have to figure that one out… Heh, maybe I can use this as an excuse to go shopping, though when you have limited funds, this presents a problem.  That’ll be fun.

Secondly, I have to take this math placement test thing at Chemeketa, since I have to take a math class there next term, so that I will fulfill the entrance  requirements for a college I am looking into, without taking up the space in my schedule right now, which I need for other classes. So I get to do that Friday, bright and early in the morning. I am afraid. I have heard horror stories about this test. Now, if I had connections, like some people I know… *cough*You know who you are*cough*, I could just give some guy a call, and he would place me in whatever level I want, but that is not the case. No connections for Brianna. Sad.

Then there is the biggie. College. Next year. What do I want to be? If I listened to my friends at ASVAB… Pediatrician. Lawyer. But no, I have to be so indecisive. And where am I going to apply? And what scholarships are out there? I haven’t gotten a freakin’ 4.0 GPA to not get a scholarship, so where do I look? What do I do? Ahhhh… So frustrating. If I can get a scholarship, maybe Western? Or OSU? I want to stay local. If I don’t, then Chemeketa, but I really hope I get a scholarship just because I feel that I’ve worked too hard for the  last few years to not get some sort of break in tuition. I don’t know.

And those are just the beginning! I’m a little scared. College… freaky. I found that I am getting a little twitchy. Seriously. I can’t sit still. It is always leg bouncing up and down, fingers tapping on the tabletop, and  when I am just standing somewhere I will randomly pace back and forth, or worse, start going into karate forms. And let me tell you, you get some strange looks when you practice karate in the hallways at school. Or the sidewalks downtown. And it is saying something when you get strange looks downtown. That is pretty sad. I’ve become the person that annoys you beyond all reason, shaking the desk cuz she can’t sit still, all tired, because she didn’t get enough sleep last night, as she was lying awake, thinking about every possible thing that could, and probably will go wrong. And then I stay up late all the next night because I have to study for this or that. It is a cruel irony. Twisted but what can you do?

Ack, just thinking about the week to come makes me feel like I need an energy drink.


Thursdays Make Me Laugh October 20, 2006

Filed under: Deep Moments,Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 5:50 am

Thursdays are so random. I love it. Mondays suck, cuz it’s back to school, back to waking up early, doing homework, and late study nights. Tuesdays are worse, since they have all the bummer of Monday, minus that extra little energy reserve you had from the weekend that you used up Monday. Wednesdays are a little bit better. You know that this is halfway, and if you made it this far, you will probably live to see the weekend. Fridays are pretty good, you know that this is it, you wont have to come back for a couple days, etc. The only down side being the load of homework your teachers give out, because they figure that you have 48 hours of free time, and, of course, teenagers would have nothing to do in that time, so they should help us out and give us a little busy work. Thursdays, though. Thursdays are great.

Thursdays are funny. They have a different mindset than the other days of the week. The teachers are happy, because it is almost Friday, but they don’t give out crazy homework, cuz it’s not quite Friday. Since the teachers are often in good moods, oft times they are easily distracted, and if you are sly enough in your questions, they will go off topic, and soon you will happily be discussing the current advances on a cloak of invisibility, instead of the key players in the Cuban Missile Crisis. I’ve also noticed, that on the radio, the best songs are always played on Thursdays. Seriously. I attribute this back to everyone’s generally good mood. I got into the car this morning, turn it on, and BAM. My favorite song. Just starting. I mean, what better way to start the day?

Another great thing on Thursdays is youth group. I get to see my friends, chill, and grow in my walk with God. How sweet is that? I am telling you, Thursdays rule.

And when you have a completely nasty week. One of those that seems like it would never end. One that on Friday night you will be Extremely happy. As I told Kala, one of those that when it is over, “I’ll be Elated. I’m talking, run around laughing manically, falling on the ground because you can’t stand you are cracking up so hard and not in a funny way but a thankful, I don’t think I would survive if I had to repeat this week ever in my life again way.Yeah. I’ll be pretty happy.” One of those. When you have a one of those, and Thursday comes, it is so good. It saves an otherwise gross week.

So even though I know that I have to give two speeches tomorrow, turn in two essays that I haven’t even started yet, turn in a drawn up poster about Freud and his twisted approach to psychology that I also haven’t started, and memorize a list of 20 key players in the Cuban Missile Crisis, and the approaches they suggested, I take a deep breath. And sigh. I can do this. It is Thursday. I like Thursdays. Even though I have to take the PSATs on Saturday morning and be at my school at 7 o’clock on a Saturday, and I have to teach karate for 5ish hours tomorrow, I’m okay. It is Thursday, afterall.

In the longest week of your life, Thursdays are looking pretty good, let me tell you.


Tournament October 16, 2006

Filed under: Karate,Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 8:35 am

Well, I had a karate tournament yesterday. I always have mixed feelings about those. On one hand, they are competitive, loud, crazy, and therefore fun. You get to cheer on all of you friends in the Arts, and watch the black belts beat up on each other. This is the recipe for a good time. On the other hand, you have everyone who doesn’t place mad at everyone who placed, everyone complaining that it was “unfair”, and making up lame excuses if they lose, and it is always somewhat disappointing if you lose, since you’ve worked on this specific material for many moons.

Now, this was the 3rd tournament I’ve been in, and I went into it knowing that even if I did my absolute worst, there was no choice but to be better than the previous two. I am not over exaggerating, I’m not being humble. I’m serious. I was really not that good at this time last year. I mean, yeah. I’ve always known my material. I’ve always enjoyed it immensely. I have never completely choked in front of the crowd, or tripped and fell on my face. I never have kicked the judge on accident (though I’ve watched all of these happen), and I’ve never even forgotten my name when it was time to introduce my form. I just… wasn’t that good.

My first tournament, I was basically clueless. I was a blue belt, 14 years old, and a little bit of a wimp.I had some fun, I got 3rd in sparring (there were only 4 people sparring that year, and one had never even sparred before. She was the one I beat.). I didn’t place in Forms or Combinations, but I kinda got a feel for what each tournament would be like after that. My second tourney (last year), I was a new brown belt. And I mean new. I’d tested less than a month earlier, so I was kinda scared. But I was a little more experienced, a little more skillful, and that reflected in the turn out of the competition. I got third again in sparring (unfortunately, there were only three sparrers in my category… heh), but I got 4th in combinations! That was pretty good, since there were probably about 25 people in that event. Again, not great, but fun, and it gave me even a tad more experience and a look at what judges tend to look for in the tourney.

This year, though, I knew could only go up. I have spent so much time in karate, between teaching and taking since I started instructing, that I feel like this year has really heightened my skillz. Plus, I actually had people come to see me (well, sharon and kala came the other years, too, thank them very much. And they didn’t make fun of me, which must have been incredibly hard.), so I really really really didn’t want to blow it. And… I didn’t. I got lucky.

I ended up placing in all three events, one of which was a 1st place in sparring, the other two were 3rd’s for Forms and Combos. And no, there was not only one person in my sparring event, there were six. Still small, but pretty stiff competition. And the other events had 20+ people. I was actually quite surprised. But happy. I loved that some of my friends came (Thanks go out to Sharon, Kala, Christen, Abby, and Dave ;)  I love that they were crazy enough to come), and just like usual, I got caught up in all of the excitement, and the adrenaline kicked in, and I got what my friend Jordan dubbed, the “most illogical, reality defying, randomest and strangest adrenaline rush known to mankind.” And I can’t think of a better way to put it. It was pretty sweet.

After all my events comes the one of the best parts. Watching the Black Belts. Some of them are so incredible. It can be depressing. Just kidding, they are amazing to watch. Their kicks and jumps are crazy high, and the sparring is super intense. It is pretty scary.  It is awesome to watch these people, some of whom teach you, show their skill, and let me tell you, they have skills. I dare say mad skills. The other best part for me was watching all of the kids that I teach. They are so adorable out there doing their stuff. Most of it I can’t recognise as actual material, but it is cute, nonetheless. And then, when I am doing my stuff, and they are in the stands, yelling “Go Brianna!”, or “Go Teacher!”, it is priceless. I’m talking Kodak moment here. It is awesome.

So that is it, basically. Tournament 2006. It was crazy fun, super intense, and really tiring. Today I am very sore, even more bruised, and a lot out of it, but it was worth it. Stressful, but cool. It always gives me some amusing stories, some of which I may relate on here later, some of which I will probably tell very few people. So that is the story for now. If you didn’t come, you missed out, if I do say so myself.

That all being said, thank goodness it is over. Thank goodness we have only one a year.


Results October 5, 2006

Filed under: Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 4:50 am

Well, I know you are all dying to hear what I am destined to become. The path my life will undoubtedly take. The results of the ASVAB.

First let me tell you that the test ended up taking 4 hours instead of the three that was claimed. That is a freaking long time to be seated in one spot, eyes on one of those bubble sheets. It all starts running together after about 1/2 hour, and then the other 3 1/2 seem to take your whole life. There was few math sections, a couple english, there was even one for knowledge of foreign languages! How sad is that? Finally, after completing the whopping 230 question test, there was an oral exam. An oral exam! They asked us to complete sentences, compose an essay out loud, and give several short answer questions, while your examiner sat there… and took notes. Most of the test was pretty challenging, but there were points… Here are a few of my personal favorites (and these were actual questions, mind you)…

“The cat is part of which family?”

A) Reptile

B) Mineral

C) Betty’s family

D) Mammal

Hmmm… tough one. Or there was this.

Lou bought one bagel on Monday for $0.70. She did not buy anything else all day. How much money did Lou spend on Monday?

A) 1.30

B) .70

C) She didn’t spend any money.

D) .53

Wow. The genius in that is… amazing…. Not sure I got that one right.

Well, I survived. I finished the day, then came last class. And we got our results. They gave us the list, and our percentage compliance with that job. Then they gave us a list of ‘comments’ from the person conducting our oral exam. That I think was my favorite part. I guess I will start with the top 5 appropriate jobs for me.

1) Pediatrician – 94%

2) Lawyer – 86%

3) Elementary Teacher – 83%

4) Counselor – 80%

5) Private Investigator – 78%

How sweet is that? I actually got pretty high score all the way across, I guess I’m smart (Or at least a really good guesser) haha. I’m gonna also list some of the highlights of the rest of my results..

At # 27) Journalist – 69% Sweet. I like to write…
At # 43) Florist – 42% Ha, I wouldn’t make a very good florist. Too bad, that is what I was pushing for.

At # 56) Inventor – 40% Seems like I am not very creative…

At # 79) Mechanic – 36% Can’t ya picture me in some sort of car shop telling you what you need to fix? Haha. In oil-stained overalls and everything?

At # 96) Real Estate- 8% Apparently I am not perky enough.

And at #100, the job least applicable to my skillz) Taxi Driver – 3%. And thank goodness for that.

So that was great. It made me laugh. But not quite as much as the comments that my examiner left about me. Poor guy, dressed up in his Camouflage (as all the testers were from the military). He looked about 20, sorta confused, and he looked like he’d rather be almost anywhere else.I think I might of gone a little intense for him. I may have had a little fun. That is what a 4 hour test does to you. It’s not my fault. Well, this is some of what he said.

“She would constantly twist the questions around and around until I wasn’t even sure what I asked her… Analyzed questions thoroughly…. When she finally gave her answer she presented it like it was the most rational thing you would think of… Very passionate about what she believes in… Throws herself into things wholeheartedly…. Would probably excel in anything she put her mind to…”

Woot! Dominating the ASVAB. Sweet. Gotta love that. I don’t know if I am any closer to knowing what I want to do with my life, though. Especially since Taxi Driver is out of the equation. Darn.


My Future. October 4, 2006

Filed under: Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 10:05 am

Tomorrow is the day. My fate is to be decided. The whole course of my life depends on this event. The ASVAB. For those of you who don’t know what the ASVAB test is, it is basically this.

” This program is designed to help students learn more about themselves and the world of work, identify and explore potentially satisfying occupations, and develop an effective strategy to realize their goals….Results of the aptitude test and the interest inventory enable students to evaluate their skills, estimate performance in academic and vocational endeavors, and identify potentially satisfying careers. These results are integrated with work values to help students identify and prioritize possible career choices.”

That is what they say. So basically, they tell you what you would be good at, and what you would just suck at. It is going to take a whopping three hours, starting tomorrow morning at 7:50, to plan out my life. No pressure. Then, after the test, they give you a colossal list, consisting of 100 different jobs, along with the percentage that you would fit into this job (ie. Brianna fits 110% into all the sweet, cool jobs that make the most money). But I am really not looking froward to this because it isn’t just a what you like test, it’s like a whole hard test with math, english, writing, science, and then all sorts of other things like computers, knowledge of cars and electronics, and even…. “Social skills”. How they plan to test that on a written test I’m not sure.

So there you go. I have this study sheet for it, but I am really procrastinating starting it. And should I really have to study? Wouldn’t that be tipping the scores toward something that may not be what I am normally good at? Oh, the strangeness that is the Public School System. Well, I guess I’ll brush up on my science and math, maybe practice my social skills some more, so I’ll end up with something cool like, Brain Surgeon (Yeah, I don’t think I’m smart enough in Science for that). Accountant (Which has to be like, one of the boringest jobs on the planet). Stunt Double (Haha. I don’t think I want that to be the only thing I would be good at). Ah well, I suppose that I will figure it out. Tomorrow. Heh, I’m sort of curious now to what it will say, darn it. This’ll be interesting… Very interesting…
As long as they don’t tell me I was destined to work in fast food all my life.



Fear October 1, 2006

Filed under: Deep Moments,Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 3:28 am

There is very little silence found in our society. There are very few people who actually want it. Sure, people say that they wish they had a moments silence, but not many mean this in the sense of quiet. They may want a few seconds of peace, but in truth, no one wants honest to goodness “silence”. In our society, this ‘phenomenon’ is feared.

Think about the many ways we’ve learned to react to this silence phenomenon.

Example 1. The parent-child relationship. As my parents always say, “If you can’t hear noise coming from the room your kids are in, they are up to something.” They’ve learned that the silence can not mean any good in this sense. This form of silence worries them. This in itself may not seem like a big deal, but it is just one factor of it. It may seem to start small, but it builds itself up.

Example 2. In Conversations. You know when you’re talking to someone, and there is this awkward pause? A uncomfertable lull? How often people will try to cover up the moment with a steriotypical ‘starter’ phrase (ie. “Well, the weather is great, isn’t it?” or “My, church/school/work went really fast today… heh”), or they giggle nervously and mumble, “I guess I’ll see ya later”. This silence seems unnatural to both parties, so we do our best to change it.

Example 3. When you are alone. Music is taking over many of the only places that we used to get that moment of quiet. In just the last year, Apple sold over 2.5 million I-pods, and that is just one company. Music devices such as these are springing up everwhere, and therefore, people listen to music everywhere now. Walking to and from classes at school, in the car, and even while doing homework! We were taught from a young age that silence is unusual, and therefore, silence is scary.

Why do people view silence as such a terrible thing? I mean, I do these things I mentioned, but why? Why is silence so bad?

Because it makes you think. The reason is so simple, and it makes perfect sense. When nothing is going on, there is nothing to see and nothing to hear, when there are no distractions to occupy our thoughts, we are forced to think of… *gulp* …our own lives. What we are doing. Where we are going. Our triumphs. Our defeats. Our plans (or lack there of) for the future. Our views of situations and people around us. And often that scares us. No one wants to dwell on their mistakes, or what the future will inevitably bring. That is what silence forces upon you. Time to think.

And lets face it… we just don’t want to do that.