I\’m Right

Where ‘Awkwardness’ is the name of the game. Or just the story of my life.

People These Days November 29, 2006

Filed under: Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 3:05 pm

Sometimes people absolutely amaze me. And sometimes I fear for the human race. This is a time that fits in the latter category.

I was looking at my blog stats, and came across a list of search engine terms that brought people to my site. Elliot blogged about this awhile ago, and man, people were crazy then. Well, things haven’t gotten better. The things people search for? Random. Well, some of them made sense.

silence in our society- Sure. I can see someone looking that up. And it makes sense that my blog showed up, as I posted on that way back when.

female sexist teachers- Again. I suppose that someone may search for this? And I wrote on it. Makes sense.

Those are the searches that are at least decodable. But the majority of the search engine terms listed were just plain funny.

“what to say in awkward convos” Wouldn’t we all like to know.

“josh elliot” free – Thank you Josh and Elliot for getting me a hit. Not sure where they were going with this one. I, of course, plugged it into a search engine myself, and there are a few famousish people with that name. My blog didn’t show up until like, the 25th page. And apperently, Josh Elliot is widly sought, as another search term read,

“josh elliot” the hottest of all hotties – What a claim. Thanks again to Josh and Elliot for getting me another hit.

swan taxi driver exams – Hmmm… Not quite sure what to make of this one. I suppose my asvab results and 3% compliance with taxi drivers… and I guess Elliot and his swan-ness also got me the hit, not sure why anyone would search for it, but who knows?

his ego she sparring belt karate – Wow. Nice english there. I have no idea where they were going with that one.

essay on what makes me laugh – Your mom makes me laugh.

Sometimes people scare me. – True. Like the person who would type that into a search engine.
Who am I? – This one was on there twice. Someone is seriously having an identity crisis here. It is kinda sad… But, seriously, what in the world?

don’t have the required proficiency WoW – I seriously have no clue how that search term got me a hit. People keep trying to get me to join World of Warcraft and I run, yet I can’t escape it. That scares me.

is that all right, i’m supposed to hold – What? And again I say it. What?

and last but not least, my personal favorite,

pictures of random horrified people – that is amazing. Who wouldn’t search for that?

People these days. Craziness, I’m telling you.

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*Freaks Out* November 28, 2006

Filed under: Randomness — alwaysbri @ 10:07 am

SNOW!!!!

Oh, gosh.

I love snow.

Seriously.

I hope it is deeper tomorrow. If it is, we are all going somewhere and having a massive snowball fight. End of story. Forts and everything.  Oh, you are coming if you read this and have nothing to do tomorrow, or if you can get out of what you do have to do you are coming also. I will give  details ;)

But seriously. It is snowing. I love snow.

Everyone has to appreciate it on some level, I mean, look at it. It is white and cold and wet and pretty and fun and basically amazing. Even those spoil-sports who are all, “I haaaate snow *whine* It is hard to drive in *cry* You get all wet*lame sobbing pursues*” have to admit that when you look outside and the ground is covered, untouched, and flakes float lazily towards the earth, it is awesome. Awe-inspiring.

Ahhh… it is nice.

 

The Art of Prioritizing November 27, 2006

Filed under: Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 9:54 am

There are times when it seems as if you have a million things to do (like walk the dog, feed the fish, paint the ceiling, gather firewood, call your grandmother, and shovel the snow in your driveway), and you feel like you will never have the time to get it all done. Then, magically, the day seems to last forever, giving you enough strength and time to not only get everything on your list done, but you also have time to alphabetize the pantry, and sew a quilt. These have to be the best days ever. You feel as if you could take on anything, and accomplish everything with perfection.

On the other hand, there are the times when you really do have a million things to do (Like maybe you have to do your marketing homework, study for the SATs, do your flippin’ kicks and punches, do your laundry, memorize a list of 20 combinations for a day that is quickly approaching that you are most likely going to die on, and all that fun stuff… just saying, not like that is me or anything *ahem*), and you know you wont be able to get everything done. These are the days that you have to enforce ‘The Art of Prioritizing’.

The Art of Prioritizing is a quite simple plan to help the overwhelmed pick and choose the most important tasks on the ‘To Do’ list, and get them done efficiently, so that they can ultimately get more done in less time. The Art of Prioritizing has 4 key steps.

Step 1.) List what you have to do. Start with the items you can’t live without doing. Like if you have a teacher who is a serial killer you should probably do that homework first. Next add the items that you really feel passionately about. Like lunch. Last put the things that you should do, but it is not essential to anyone’s health and well-being that it is done right away. Like showering. Just kidding, I hope that showering is one of the highest priorities on your list… being a girl, I care about that kinda thing…

Step 2.) Sift through the list. Take out anything that you subconsciously wrote that has no merit on your list. Things like calling your friends. Unless you have a very good reason. Or things like writing up a new post. Never mind on that.

Step 3.) Here comes the tough one. The *gulp* work. Start at the top of the list and work your way down. This is the time it becomes extremely handy if you can clone yourself, so if you can, go right ahead. It isn’t cheating. Technically you are doing all of the work yourself, so there is no problem with that. Go for it. And teach me how. Work down the list until there is nothing left. I know, painful.
Step 4.) When all else fails, and you just can’t get everything done… cry. Cry a lot. Then blog about it.

 

Sexist November 21, 2006

Filed under: Deep Moments,Life,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 12:33 pm

So the over the top, ‘girl power’ promoting, crazed females seriously bug me. I mean, I of course agree with them, but sometimes I get so sick of how extreme some of it gets. But on the other hand, I can’t stand it when someone is blatantly sexist.

Now, I somehow got stuck in this weight training class last year, in which I was the only girl. (Somehow, I end up in that situation a lot). Well, not only was I the only girl, but the teacher of that class was extremely sexist. And we aren’t just talking subtle here, we are talking obvious, serious doubt in the female species. I have a million example of times, here are a few to set the scene.

At the beginning of every class we were supposed to run for 20 minutes. Or I guess I should say that the guys in the class were supposed to run for 20 minutes. After about 5 minutes into the run on the first day, the teacher called me over, and was like, “Brianna, I know you want to prove that you can do this, but it is okay if you just can’t. You are welcome to walk if you want to, no one will think less of you.” Then he walks off, with me just standing there, mouth open, I’m sure, since I was totally surprised at that. That, of course, just motivated me to not only finish the run, but lap the guys, because I am so stubborn. And you’d think that would show the teacher that I was capable. But no.

A few classes later, the teacher calls me over at the beginning of class, before I changed up and everything, and told me that I could just stay in my normal clothes, and he would just have me grade papers from this quiz we took. That way, he said, “I can give you your participating points, and you wont have to get all sweaty, and mess up your hair”. Wow. I couldn’t believe he said that.

And he would constantly make comments about how I shouldn’t overwork myself, and needed to be careful, cuz if I lifted too much, I might hurt myself. While this is true (and for everyone, not just girls), he would only say that to me. These were always his instructions, “Guys, grab at least a 10 lb weight for this next one. Brianna, you can take a break for this one, or if you want to do it, just go through the motion without a weight, or at the very most a 3 or 5 lb weight.” Lame. I am a girl, not 700 years old. I can do 40 pushups. Real ones, where you touch your nose and nothing else, not ‘girl’ pushups. That may be somewhat unusual among girls, but how would he know I couldn’t? He just assumed that because of my gender, I couldn’t do anything at all. Come on, I eat this stuff for breakfast, I love it. I may not be as strong/capable as some guys, but I can hold my own, and it makes me mad when people just assume that you can’t do things, and they don’t even want to let you try.

Now in a way, It kinda made me laugh. I could have totally milked that, gotten an A in the class, played the helpless female, and just sit around doing nothing all semester. But my stupid ego got in the way. Yes, I am a girl. No, I am not helpless. I am a third degree brown belt in a pretty intense form of Martial Arts, I go 6 days a week for goodness sake. I think I can handle a workout even if I am with a bunch of *gasp* guys. I know, novel concept.

Now, there are some things I am a little more old-fashioned on. I like it when a guy opens the door for me. Actually, I really like it. I can’t think of a girl who doesn’t. Things like that, I think are nice. But it isn’t because I am incapable of opening the door, it is because they are trying to be nice. Those are the kinda things I think most girls like. But when they figure you are unable to do things because you are female, that bugs me. So I blew what could have been a easy class by standing up for my gender, and trying to prove our worthiness, and this is what I get.

It is, and I’m not kidding, the last day of class, and this girl walks in. She apparently had that class another period, and she walks up to the teacher, and says, “I’m feeling really tired today. I don’t think I could even run for one minute. I know you let me skip class last time and go to the library, but could I pretty please do it again? I know I should try, but I just get so frustrated when I just can’t do it. I try, but girls just aren’t good at this type of thing.”

No wonder he is sexist. I would be too.

 

Rut. November 18, 2006

Filed under: Deep Moments — alwaysbri @ 11:23 am

WARNING: Kinda serious. If that scares you, you proly don’t want to read it. Needed to rant, and this seemed like the place to do it, seeing as that is why I got this blog. And I definitely need to rant right now. Bear with me, as I don’t really want to type out everything, cuz I don’t really want details on here… you don’t have to read, comment, or care.

I feel like I am in such a rut right now. There is kind of a reoccurring theme in my life right now, and I am getting really frustrated about it. I am not going to go into it, I don’t really want it just sitting on here… But basically, I’ve been really caught up over this thing. And I’ve really been questioning myself and God about it. I can’t stop thinking about it. And I don’t know if it is something to pursue, or if I’m supposed to forget about it, and for the life of me, I can’t hear anything from God about it, about what to do, about why it’s here sometimes and gone others, and why I am so totally caught up in it. I am constantly wondering if I am just dreaming, or if there really is a chance that it would work out, and just when it seems like it is a possibility, or looks like it is within reach, it just, quite literally, goes MIA.

And I get so frustrated with it. At first, it seemed like it was really good. I totally connected with it, and it was really fun. I totally thought that there might have been a chance that it would work out. But then, all of a sudden, it was just so different. It stopped showing up, and stopped checking up, and then I would be like, “what went wrong? What did I do?” and for awhile I would be so consumed with why all of a sudden it changed. I tried to rationalize, I tried to explain it away, but it got harder and harder, because I no longer had anything to base it on. Then I guess I would go into denial in a sense. I would tell myself that if I didn’t think about it, if I didn’t mention it, I would stop feeling so strongly about it. And I am so convincing, I’d think I was over it. I’d seriously think that it was over. I would still be upset about how it ended (not that it ever really started), but for all intensive purposes, in my mind, it was dead and over.

But then it comes again. Just as I decide that this time, I am going to get rid of it. Cut it off. But no, it comes back. And I couldn’t help falling head-over-heels into it again. I hate that I feel like I can’t control it. I really feel helpless about it. And I have been praying, I have been doing everything I can think of to try to find some answers, because I am having such a hard time concentrating on anything. And sleeping has become something that just doesn’t happen enough. Between doing homework that I was too busy/distracted to start it earlier, and then when I finally do go to bed, I find myself just laying there, thinking. And I can’t turn off all the stuff going on in my head. And the hope fires up again. Maybe this time it will stay. Maybe this time it will make sense. Maybe this time it will finally turn out right. I hate maybe’s. I hate that I can’t stop dreaming about those ‘if only’ and ‘what if’s.

And then you have those well meaning listeners. I spill it out to someone, because I just can’t hold it in anymore. And then they give you the whole, “God has a plan…be patient… he loves you and will do what is best… just forget about it, and God will take care of it… you know you don’t need this…” Don’t they know that I know that? I know that God has a plan. I know he loves me and takes care of me. But seriously, I get so freaking sick of that stereotypical answer. I know they are right, I know I should just be patient. Do they think if they tell me, that this time it will just be so easy? I’m sorry, I can’t help it. Don’t they think that if I could stop feeling sucky about it that I would? I’m not enjoying this. Ahhh, I know they are just trying to help. And I love them, don’t get me wrong. And it is none of you, so don’t think it is if you read this. I know that they are just giving me something to hold onto, but I just kinda want somebody to understand, I guess. Say, “Yeah, that really sucks, I’m sorry, that is no fun. I’ll be praying for you.” I know God is up to something. I know he cares, and I never doubt that, I just get sick of people trying to make it seem so easy to let go of things.

Well, yesterday I was fully committed to forgetting about it, and moving on. But then it showed up again just a few seconds ago. Just like always. And I fell into that same trap, and I have to admit that while I hate the confusion so much, I absolutely enjoy it when it is working, and present. I just wonder why it works out that it always shows up the day after I give in. Does that mean I am supposed to hold on instead of giving up? Does that mean I should just totally let it go? I don’t know if I can do that. I would try, if I knew that it was what was supposed to be happening, but I don’t know. But it is back now. And it makes me so happy, but I hate that it makes me so happy, because I don’t know what is happening.

And there is nothing I can really do. Pray, but that is basically it. Wait, even though I hate that so much… And I will. God is up to something, I’m sure, it is just frustrating on the trip. But I have faith that it will work out somehow, even if it isn’t the way I want, it will be for the best, I know that. I just wish I could figure it out.

Arg.