I\’m Right

Where ‘Awkwardness’ is the name of the game. Or just the story of my life.

Email Survey FAQ August 13, 2007

Filed under: Amusement,Insults,Lemonade,Life,Mr. Darcy,Randomness — alwaysbri @ 6:09 pm

Many people have wondered how to take these forwarded email surveys that somehow seem to surface at random times throughout life. As far as I can see, there are 4 ways to deal with these surveys.

1) Sarcasm. The overly sarcastic approach is a very popular one. You tease and kid and exaggerate. You roll your eyes and say completely random things. This way, ‘serious,’ and ‘kidding’ collide and blur. And, I mean, what’s the fun of making fun of someone who spent half the survey poking fun at themselves and /or others? Okay, it’s still fun, but trickier.

2) The Disclaimer. Also a frequently used device. This is where you make up some sort of excuse, however lame, in hope that if anything is ever brought out, you can recite a well planned reason for your momentary insanity. I have to say, I don’t really think this one works all that well, unless the person is extremely gullible. Excuses carry little weight. I mean who could take some of them seriously. Examples of lame disclaimers:

a. I just went to *insert physical activity here* and I’m really tired, so I may not make sense

b. I’ve been up for *insert insanely long amount of time* and I may seem kind of random

Even if this happened to be true, people see it and don’t really care all that much. There are, however, a few excuses that I think would work.

a. I had to do that really fast so it’s possible I lied so I could have a shorter answer.

b. And I’m really wishing I could have seen your face when you read some of those answers I completely made up.

I’d buy those.

3) What They Want. I can’t say I have ever seen someone use this approach, but I figure it would work if you don’t care what they think and would answer the survey seriously anyway. You know they just read these for the blackmail material, and whether or not you have a crush on someone. So just tell them. Example:

i. What is your name? molly. I tripped over this chair today and totally looked really stupid… everyone was like staring and laughing… I am a huge klutz.

ii. What’s your favorite season? Summer. I have a crush on this one guy. He’s on the polo team.

I figure, you answer 2, maybe 3 questions like this, they have all they need and you don’t have to do the rest of the survey. Makes everyone’s life a little easier.

4) To The Point. Just write a really to the point survey and answer it instead. Like the previous idea, this hasn’t seemed to happen as of yet. It would look something like:

     i. Describe, in detail, all major and minor embarrassing moments in the last 3 weeks.

     ii. Name, picture, and social security number of your last 3 crushes.

 

     iii. List any habits you have, your potentially embarrassing qualities, your pet peeves, and anything one might use to quickly tick you off.

Answer these questions however you choose. No one will know whether or not to take it seriously or not because it’s so random. You could tell the truth, and people probably wouldn’t believe it.

So as far as I can see, these are the 4 ways to take these surveys and have some dignity left after. Or maybe not dignity. But at least the upper hand. And it’s just really fun.

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My Wonderful 9 Year-Old Sis. May 2, 2007

Filed under: Insults,Life,Randomness,Sisters — alwaysbri @ 7:54 pm

    So my little sister is pretty funny. She is becoming more sarcastic, witty, and brutal every day, and I am absolutely loving it. So today she wrote this list of insults. They are basically supernaturally awesome, so I had to post them.

  •  You’re a pickle on the hamburger of meanness!!! P.S. I dislike pickles!!!
  • You’re a helpless child on the playground of the needy! Why don’t you make more money!
  • You’re a color that can’t find the rainbow because that pitiless color is gray!
  • You’re a lemon trying to find the sweet fruit bowl, but even if you do, you’ll always be sour!!
  • E=MC^2, but not to you!
  • I can spot your highlights from far away!
  • You’re a lockbox mailbox that hasn’t been locked!

I pretty much love this kid.