Killer. January 29, 2004- March 12, 2007.
I am baffled as I write this. Today the world lost a great leader, a great companion, a great assassin. I am of course talking of that well loved sheep, Killer.
We were all shocked to hear the news, and even more shocked to hear the way they believe he died. Authorities, doctors, sheep experts, and select government officials stated that the cause of death was drowning. That’s right. They believe that the infamous Killer drowned in his own water trough. Obviously he far too intelligent for this degrading assumption. More reputable sources… like myself… say that Killer was, of course, murdered.
Killer, in life, was everything a good… sheep… could be. He was a natural leader, everywhere he went, the flock would follow close behind. He was quite skilled. He could read and write, and banter wittily. He was helpful, kind, and trained to kill. All of these things made Killer quite unique, as you can imagine. These traits, uncommon for sheep, prospered in Killer.
Killer led a happy life, was a great employee, a devoted father, and a reliable assassin. He is survived by 4 children, Sheep #38, Sheep # 39, Sheep # 40, and Cole. Cole is said to be insane, as he swears he sees his drowned father and his father thinks he is not dead, and is trying tell Cole something. Killer was a responsible employee, he always got the job done, and did the best he possibly could. Killer survived through a smiting, a ransack, and several kidnapping threats. He was brave, he was smart.
All sheep should aspire to be like Killer. He will be remembered forever.
Or at least a kinda long time.